Partnerships

A marriage is not an equal partnership, where a couple are looking constantly to ensure that everything is divided 50-50. That makes us calculative and mean, and reduces the marriage to a conditional clause: As long as he lives up to his end of the bargain, so will I.

Instead of looking for the right person to be our spouse, we have to be the right person for them. We have to give 110 per cent without any conditions or strings attached to the marriage contract -- which, hopefully, we enter into with our eyes open.

The marriage vow basically says that even if a husband turns out to be a scumbag or a couch potato who cares more for Man U than for his mother-in-law, we still have to accept him.

-- "I Say: To love... is to obey" by Frances Ong Hock Lin, Today Online

There is a feminist inside of me that still cringes at the word "submission," so I usually don't take too well to articles exhorting me to do so. But I thought Frances Ong did well enough, and these few paragraphs, at least, are sobering reminders.

I guess the principle really applies for relationships in general; if we keep trying to measure the proportion of effort put into a relationship, we will never stop long enough to appreciate the true miracle that is the intertwining of souls.

(Related: Faith's "Sit, roll over, play dead, obey... good dog!")

***

[Edit: Some noteworthy responses from "Submission: Choice or Trap?"

"The question I pose is this: Do men respect women as much as women are willing to accord men power?"

-- Gwendalynn Lim Wan Ting


"It is up to each couple to decide the terms on which they want their relationship to be built. It is unfair to fault wives who are more independent in their views. Frances found her equilibrium, but I think that equilibrium should not be a template for all relationships.

"Equality comes from the ability to make a choice. Men should never expect their wives to submit, and if a woman does, the man would do well to remember that she does it because she chooses to -- and not because it is his right to have a submissive wife."

-- Felicia Chan]

If I do not love...

I could travel over oceans
Cross the deserts, climb the mountains
Just to share Your story
Bring You glory, and win souls for You

I could sing like an angel
Songs so humble and so thankful
Full of drama and emotion
So the world would know Your truth

I could give away my money
And my clothes and my food
To restore those people
Who are poor, and lost, and down-and-out

I could succeed at all these things
Find favour with peasants and kings...

But if I do not love, I am nothing

I could live a flawless life
Never cheat or steal or lie
And always speak so kindly
Smile so warmly, and go about doing good

I could dedicate myself to do
What everyone else wants me to
Listen to them, compliment them
Say the things I should

I could show up every Sunday
Lead the choir and Bible study
And they all might come to know me
As a leader and a friend

I could achieve success on earth
But success cannot define my worth
And all these actions, all these words
Will not matter in the end

'Cause songs will fade to silence
Stories -- they will cease
The dust will settle
Covering all my selfless deeds

So as I strive to serve You
Won't You make it clear to me...

If I do not love, I am nothing

If I cannot live my life loving my brother
Then how can I love The One who lived His life for me?

Sent to earth from heaven
Humble servant, Holy King
Come to share a story, get no glory
And save my searching soul

You knew that I'd deny You, crucify You
But nothing could stop You from
Living for me, dying for me, so that I would know

That songs will fade to silence
Stories will cease
The dust will settle
Covering these selfless deeds

But Your life here has made it
Clear enough for me to see...

That if I do not love, I am nothing

-- "I am Nothing" by Ginny Owens

Living Word

As part of God's revelation to man, [Scripture] is to be read and reread, heard and reheard. For the most part, it doesn't pop at you on first reading, so it doesn't go stale on you on tenth reading.

But it does go opaque. It's kind of strange, isn't it, how a familiar passage doesn't become dull so much as silent. They don't tell you what you already know; they simply don't tell you anything at all. And of course there are passages that are silent from first reading on.

And then... pop! "The servant must have told the father his eldest son wouldn't come in to the celebration. I can be that servant, praying to God that my too-proud friend might return to the Church." Or whatever. A whole new vein is discovered, and the passage becomes a profitable mine once more...

In my experience, this process recurs often enough that one is soon convinced it will not end in this life, that the wisdom of God contained in the Bible is indeed without limit, that its cup cannot be drained.

-- "Saucers of wisdom" by John da Fiesole, Disputations (via After Abortion)

Echoes of love

Lovely are Your dwelling places
Thirsty, I come after You
Jesus: my joy, my reward
Your love's restoring my soul
Now I'm Yours, and You are mine
And from my heart a song will rise

I love You, I love You, I love You...
And my heart will follow wholly after You

Jesus, there is none beside You
Righteous ruler of the earth
Nations will come and bow down
Name over all names
I sing Your praises
And all I can say to You is

I love You, I love You, I love You...
And my heart will follow wholly after You

-- "Dwelling Places" by Hillsong

Whenever I've sung this song in the past, my voice instinctively lowers at the chorus. Am I even allowed to sing this? Do I love God enough to be proclaiming this?

Today, as I sang it in church, something moved in my heart... What you are singing to Me is just a faint echo of what I feel for you, even before there was time -- a faint echo of what My Son cried out to you when He stretched out His hands on the cross.

So today, as the tears fell, I sang the chorus at the top of my voice -- even though I may never fully know the meaning of such a thing as love, especially in the way that I'm loved; I love You, but only because You first loved me.

Above all

Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what You're worth

Crucified, laid behind a stone
You lived to die, rejected and alone
Like a rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall, and thought of me
Above all

-- "Above All" by Michael W. Smith

When I heard this song for the first time, many years ago, I was left speechless. Most days, it's still unfathomable to me that The One who could have anything in (and out of) this world -- anything He wanted -- would choose to want me.

It's the stuff that too-good-to-be-true fairy tales are made of. Except that it is good, and it is true.

Them

I don't know who else will find this useful, so I suppose this will be a reminder for myself more than anything.

One of the best piece of advices I've read with regards to dealing with other people is just to remember that God made them in His image too. I've found that it also works for when I get riled reading the news, and even when I peruse blogs. It gives an interesting and fresh perspective; when we cannot see the good in others, it may not always be their fault.

Of course, the problem with good advice is that we often chuck them out anyway, and sometimes when we are most in need of them. The irony of that makes me want to kick my table in frustration.

I wonder if God ever kicks His table.

Sacrificing God?

This letter appeared in yesterday's paper:

I refer to [...] the story centred on the 13-year-old twin brothers, Araunah and Ornan Wei, who have qualified for the Junior Training Scheme by the Triathlon Association of Singapore (TAS). They may not be able to train as training falls on Sundays, which clashes with the twins' church-going commitments.

TAS honorary secretary Stephen Lee commented that "it's disheartening when athletes can't sacrifice for their sport". He is effectively measuring a person's faith in God and sports on the same scale.

This is not a choice between national sports and, say, taekwando classes or studies. The comparison is thoughtless and simplistic.

-- "Twin athletes' Chariot of Fire dilemma" by Tricia Tong, Today Online (Link mine)

I couldn't have written it better myself. I don't think you need to be particularly religious to show a little bit more sensitivity than that, Mr Lee. (Click for full.)

Idle chatter

At which point does small talk cross over into idle chatter, then to gossip? And at which point in the conversation -- on this spectrum -- do you stop and say, okay, let's talk about something else?

So how has everyone been? Jane is still overseas right? Anyone know how she is, or when she's coming back?

Small talk.

How are things with Jane and Tom, exactly? They weren't doing too good, right?

Idle chatter?

I heard that they've broken up, and she's dating Dick now.

Gossip?

Sometimes it's not even that clear-cut; the progression of the conversation gets you so quickly that -- before you know it -- all you can do is to take responsibility for its propagation. So... dispense with small talk altogether?

Getting down and dirty

When people talk about their ideal spouse, they always generate a list of qualities that they find desirable. They want beauty and intelligence, humor and compassion, zeal for life, love for the Lord, blond hair and blue eyes. People of a particular denomination of the church typically want someone who is also of that denomination ("a nice Catholic girl," or "a nice Southern Baptist girl with a few Reformed tendencies, but who understands the importance of missions and speaking in tongue"). We tend to find someone attractive when they share similar interests; same movies, same records, same doctrinal statements.

[...]

The Lord has a girl of His dreams and it is us, and we know what we're like at our very cores. Jesus didn't come to earth looking for a nice Presbyterian girl who liked Radiohead and The Flaming Lips just like He did, who had large breasts, long legs and wide hips and thought that infant baptism was really important, too. He came for us, and before we knew Him, we were emaciated whores.

-- "The Girl of Your Dreams," by Joshua Gibbs, Folding a Map (via Kyriosity)

Getting down and dirty. Sometimes we can't know how great a sacrifice was made -- is made -- until we know just how far we are from being worthy of it.

In Christ alone

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope -- in Christ alone

-- "In Christ Alone" by Phillips, Craig & Dean (Sample here)

Phillips, Craig & Dean's new medley of Stuart Townend's "In Christ Alone" has been stuck in my head the whole weekend. I've just been singing that chorus over and over, occasionally breaking down. I'm not going through a tough time -- at least, not tougher than usual; there's nothing to cry about, really. But I suppose that it is so rare to be stripped of all of the usual helplessness; for once, I didn't feel like I had to be rescued, or be comforted -- I just felt loved. In Christ, and by Christ. :)

If You want me to

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

'Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials
Bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire if You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

-- "If You Want Me to" by Ginny Owens (Sample here)

These are some of my favourite words, outside of the Bible. There is honesty in the struggles, but ultimately, this song speaks of the perfection of God's promise, and His will in my life.

Beloved

One of the few things that I know for certain is that I am loved -- utterly and unconditionally -- and I cannot begin to tell you how powerful this knowledge is in itself. Unfortunately, what fills us most deeply is also the very same thing that will leave the greatest chasm in its absence. And it is precisely in those moments when we lose sight of that truth that everything falls apart; I don't know which is worse, hearing the echo of emptiness, or feeling the helplessness while watching everything else cave in.

You are My beloved child
Forever in My heart
After the fall and after it all
You're safe within My arms

I'm never gonna let go
My love for you is always true
I'm never gonna lose heart
'Cause I'm holding on tight to you
Should the cruel wind chill your soul
When the world seems out of control
I'm never gonna let go of you

-- "Never Gonna Let Go" by Caedmon's Call

I know who holds my hand

I don't know about tomorrow
I just live from day to day
I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey

I don't worry o'er the future
For I know what Jesus said
And today I'll walk beside Him
For He knows what is ahead

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know Who holds tomorrow
And I know Who holds my hand

Ev'ry step is getting brighter
On the golden stairs I climb
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter
Ev'ry cloud is silver-lined

There the sun is always shining
There no tear will dim the eyes
At the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains touch the sky

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know Who holds tomorrow
And I know Who holds my hand

I don't know about tomorrow
It may bring me poverty
But the One Who feeds the sparrow
Is the One Who stands by me

And the path that be my portion
May be through the flame or flood
But His presence goes before me
And I'm covered with His blood

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know Who holds tomorrow
And I know Who holds my hand

-- "I Know Who Holds Tomorrow" by Ira Stanphill

All I can offer is this fragile breath

I searched the world for a song that I could sing
Praise to my King, a gift that I could bring
But no music I found could compare to You
Not one could do justice to Your glory
What are my songs compared to Yours?

You speak with thunder and lightning
Your voice shakes the mountains
The foundations of the earth
All I can offer is this fragile breath
With each one I'll praise You
With each one I'll praise You more

I searched the world for a poem I could read
A rhyme that would bring glory to my King
But no writing I found was worthy of
This God high above all other gods
What are my words compared to Yours?

-- "This Fragile Breath (The Thunder Song)" by Todd Agnew (Sample here)

It's been a wild ride. And even as I heave a sigh of relief at another episode closed, I realise that I'm going to have many more of these. These are challenging times for me, and not just during the emotional and situational lows. It's when I most think that I am in control -- that I can handle everything on my own, away from God -- that I am most vulnerable to fall.

Thank you, God, for Your faithfulness, without which I am nothing.