Not just a teen problem

The amount of self-esteem problems in girls around my age is shocking. It takes something so tiny and seemingly unsignificant to make us feel unpretty. And sometimes when we feel unpretty, it sticks because no one ever tells us otherwise.

I was thinking a bit about relationships tonight and about how I've been desiring to be in one lately. I'm well aware that I am not near ready to be someone's partner, but there are certainly moments when I'd like to be. I was thinking how hard it is to find a genuine guy, someone who is able to see a female's heart before her body, or her mind before her willingness to be made into what he chooses she should be. I realized soon that it's not just the guys who tend to judge people based solely on outer appearances. Girls are just as bad.

When I was younger, I remember sitting around with my girlfriends and talking about who we thought was cute and dateable. I had a thing for Jonathan Taylor Thomas, then later moved on to Joshua Jackson and Brian Littrell. At that age, it was the coolest thing imaginable to have a boyfriend. We all wanted one that others would envy, the cutest and the best of the bunch. Some women still think that way years later. We want a man who matches the men we see in the cologne ads or on the cover of trashy romance novels. We want the men showcased in our magazine selections, the ones who are tall, dark, and handsome. We'll get together with other girls and we'll talk about the most attractive and sometimes snicker at the one who is lacking, whether he's in that very magazine or simply walking by. Judging someone based on his or her looks is not simply a man's problem and it took me a while to get that.

I've decided I'm going to try very hard not to be that shallow of a woman. And I've also decided I'm going to try very hard not to desire that shallow of a guy. I deserve more than that, and so does whatever man I happen to end up with.

-- "The Bold and the Beautiful" by Drea