I will follow
I am truly blessed with wonderful friends.
It's difficult, in the course of our everydays, to sit and talk about the things that really matter; rather, it takes me an unusually long time to spit out my concerns -- they always seem so much more real when they are verbalised.
Along the road, friendships have faded, and I always wondered what to do with them. The thought of reviving them on my own efforts is something very foreign to me. It's like bringing me into an operating theatre, putting a scapel in my hand, and asking me to perform a C-section; I have a vague idea of what I have to do, but then I also know nuts about doing it -- more importantly, something very fragile and precious hangs in the balance.
Last night, staying over with a friend who was home alone, it came out, and I am slowly coming to terms with leaving it in God's hands. Very very slowly. My mind knows that God's timing is far better than mine, and that He has his purpose, even if it means us walking in totally opposite directions... at least, for now. But my heart constantly wonders if our drifting apart has anything to do with me doing something wrong, or not doing something that could have saved the relationship. There are few friends that have stuck close in the years past, and that is why they are so precious to me.
I love them all -- these people who have crossed my path and touched my life -- but God is starting to teach me that being "forever friends" doesn't mean that we have to talk or see each other every day, that even though it seems that we have gotten to a point where we have little in common, His plan is still good. Sometimes, I try so hard to resurrect the faded past, that things like getting to know someone new, or opening up to people that I've never opened up to before, guilts me to the point of eating me up; as though loving new friends makes me love old friends less. Whether it is pride, or the control freak in me, I know not; I am trying to obey, and touch the people who are in my life now. But God knows also that my heart will always yearn to bring back the colour into those faded albums, and when God leads me to reach into old friendships that have passed, He knows that I will be only too glad to follow.
It's difficult, in the course of our everydays, to sit and talk about the things that really matter; rather, it takes me an unusually long time to spit out my concerns -- they always seem so much more real when they are verbalised.
Along the road, friendships have faded, and I always wondered what to do with them. The thought of reviving them on my own efforts is something very foreign to me. It's like bringing me into an operating theatre, putting a scapel in my hand, and asking me to perform a C-section; I have a vague idea of what I have to do, but then I also know nuts about doing it -- more importantly, something very fragile and precious hangs in the balance.
Last night, staying over with a friend who was home alone, it came out, and I am slowly coming to terms with leaving it in God's hands. Very very slowly. My mind knows that God's timing is far better than mine, and that He has his purpose, even if it means us walking in totally opposite directions... at least, for now. But my heart constantly wonders if our drifting apart has anything to do with me doing something wrong, or not doing something that could have saved the relationship. There are few friends that have stuck close in the years past, and that is why they are so precious to me.
I love them all -- these people who have crossed my path and touched my life -- but God is starting to teach me that being "forever friends" doesn't mean that we have to talk or see each other every day, that even though it seems that we have gotten to a point where we have little in common, His plan is still good. Sometimes, I try so hard to resurrect the faded past, that things like getting to know someone new, or opening up to people that I've never opened up to before, guilts me to the point of eating me up; as though loving new friends makes me love old friends less. Whether it is pride, or the control freak in me, I know not; I am trying to obey, and touch the people who are in my life now. But God knows also that my heart will always yearn to bring back the colour into those faded albums, and when God leads me to reach into old friendships that have passed, He knows that I will be only too glad to follow.
posted by Laughingcow at 6:34 pm
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